IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It should be more expensive to make sugary products less appealing to consumers in order to encourage them to consume less. Many manufactured foods and drinks contain high levels of sugar, which can cause many health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that beverages and fast foods are consumed by people a lot. Some
individuals
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 think that the government should make these sugary
products
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 expensive, so that people will consume less. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as it helps to lessen the obesity
problems
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 , and educate them as well, but other measures should be implemented,
such
Linking Words
 as promoting healthier
drinks
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 , and a ban on manufactured food. One of the main reasons for consuming sugar
products
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 is that it is easily available in the market. Most of the
individuals
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 love to taste the fast food, meat
products
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 , and bakery
products
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 without knowing their consequences. As per the CBC news, obesity and overweight
problems
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 are directly linked to consuming higher amounts of sugar-based
products
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 . If the government imposes higher taxes on these soft
drinks
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,
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apply
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 and confectionery items,
then
Linking Words
 it will not only help to reduce these
problems
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 , but
also
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 people may choose not to buy them .
Moreover
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 , sweetened
products
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also
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 enhance the chances of heart attack, cancer
problems
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 when they are ingested on a daily basis. One study shows that cavities and decay
problems
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 in teeth happen only when
individuals
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 eat candies, chocolates, and carbonated sugary
drinks
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 . It is essential to educate and raise awareness the
individuals
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 about the harmful effects of having it. There are other measures which can become effective to address
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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 , a proper ban on these
products
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 may help to some extent. Recently in India, most of the villages decided to refuse to consume sugary beverages, as they think soft
drinks
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 include caffeine, which slowly and steadily encourages the youth to consume drugs in future. Another point is that
,
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 energy
drinks
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 , smoothies , and fresh juice of fruits and vegetables should be promoted on a broader scale, because they contain nutritional values. In conclusion, no doubt, higher taxation on sugary
products
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 really helps to reduce the consumption of sugary
products
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 .
This
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 may cause overweight and heart disease
due to
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 the excessive usage of these
products
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 . It is required to be aware the consumers
,
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apply
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 imposing a ban and promoting healthy
drinks
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,
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apply
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can be used as a substitute for sugar-sweetened beverages.

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structure
Make your plan clear. Put one big idea in each paragraph and tell the order of ideas at the start.
evidence
Give strong proof for your point. Use simple, real facts or numbers when you can.
language
Link ideas with small words (and, but, so, then) to help flow from one idea to the next.
content
You state your view clearly at the start.
content
There is a good range of ideas to support the view.
structure
There is a clear end that repeats the view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • price
  • expensive
  • tax
  • policy
  • government
  • health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • label
  • warning
  • advertising
  • ads
  • children
  • kid
  • income
  • poor
  • rich
  • income
  • substitute
  • healthy
  • food
  • drink
  • revenue
  • fund
  • education
  • awareness
  • market
  • industry
  • control
  • limit
  • store
  • shop
  • sell
  • cost
  • price rise
  • serve
  • portion
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