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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Look at the chart below, which show how students on all courses at an Australian university viewed different subjects on a subjects on scale of easy to difficult.

Look at the chart below, which show how students on all courses at an Australian university viewed different subjects on a subjects on scale of easy to difficult.
The bar chart demonstrates the perceived challenge levels of courses as reported by
learners
Use synonyms
 at an Australian university. The categories are easy, moderately difficult, and hard.
Overall
Linking Words
, mathematics and oriental
languages
Use synonyms
 are regarded as tough disciplines, with mathematics considered the most challenging.
In contrast
Linking Words
, chemistry and African
languages
Use synonyms
 are viewed as more straightforward for university
learners
Use synonyms
 in Australia. It can be clearly observed that both mathematics and oriental
languages
Use synonyms
 are not simple for attendees. Nearly 70% of
learners
Use synonyms
 think math is hard, and 10% regard
this
Linking Words
 course as moderately difficult.
Additionally
Linking Words
, oriental
languages
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 judged as unfriendly areas of study. Not only do one-third of classmates find them tough to learn, but
also
Linking Words
 half of them rate oriental
languages
Use synonyms
 as moderately difficult.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some fields
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as art and
physics
Punctuation problem
physics,
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 regarded as taxing, with over half believing both are strenuous to study. Another notable aspect is that nearly two-thirds of
learners
Use synonyms
 think chemistry is the easiest discipline of all,
while
Linking Words
 only 30% still see it as hard. African
languages
Use synonyms
 show a similar trend, with only one-fifth finding them difficult to master. Another interesting observation is that the proportions of the three categories for
languages
Use synonyms
 are relatively balanced, with each category accounting for nearly one-third.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words learners, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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