IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates the process of
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
sugar
Use the right word
sugarcane
show examples
corns
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
prosses
Use the right word
process
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 seven stages
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 growing the
plans
Use the right word
plants
show examples
,harvesting and
ends
Replace the word
ending
show examples
 in the industry until producing the
sugar
Use synonyms
 in its normal shape.
Linking Words
firstly
Fix capitalization
Firstly
show examples
, the first
stage
Use synonyms
begin
Correct subject-verb agreement
begins
show examples
 with
sugar
Use synonyms
corns
Use synonyms
 that need 12 to 18 months to
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 the
sugar
Use synonyms
corns
Use synonyms
 are harvested by manual or harvesting machine. In the next
stage
Use synonyms
 , the
sugar
Use synonyms
corns
Use synonyms
 are crushed by
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
 to reduce the juice . In the
forth
Use the right word
fourth
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 , the purifying juice is filtered with
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter. In the subsequent
stage
Use synonyms
, an evaporator that the juice is heated to transform syrup,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 syrup is separated to form
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals in
centrifuge
Correct article usage
the centrifuge
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals are dried and cooled to become pure
sugar
Use synonyms
 that we use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in our meals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, corns, stage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: