IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates the process of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cans
Use the right word
cane
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 process
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 taken seven stages
starting
Punctuation problem
, starting
show examples
 with growing the plants , harvesting on the farmland ,and ending in the factory where industrial processes take place until
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced in its
form
Correct word choice
current form
show examples
 that we know. In the first
stage
Use synonyms
 , the
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cans
Use the right word
cane
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 about 12 to 18 months to
groing
Correct your spelling
grow
 in the farmland.
Then
Linking Words
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cans
Use the right word
cane
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 harvested either manually or harvesting machine .In the next
stage
Use synonyms
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cans
Use the right word
cane
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crushed by
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
 to extract the juice. In the fourth
stage
Use synonyms
, the extracted juice is purified in
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter,
then
Linking Words
 it is heated in an evaporator to form the syrup. In
subsequent
Correct article usage
the subsequent
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
, the syrup is separated to form the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals in
centrifuge
Correct article usage
a centrifuge
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
 , the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals are dried and cooled to become a pure
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 that we use in our meals.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cans, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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