IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

THE BAR CHART BELOW GIVES INFOMATION ABOOUT THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS STUDYING COMPUTER SCIENCE AT A uk university between 2010 and 2012. Summerise the info by selecting the main features, and making comparision where relavent.

THE BAR CHART BELOW GIVES INFOMATION ABOOUT THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS STUDYING COMPUTER SCIENCE AT A uk university between 2010 and 2012. Summerise the info by selecting the main features, and making comparision where relavent.
The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 studying computer science in UK universities between 2010 and 2012. Data presented as percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
British
Use synonyms
 home
students
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
slightly increased
Correct word order
increased slightly
show examples
 from around 40% in 2010 to 45% in 2012, but the percentage of international
students
Use synonyms
 has remained unchanged over the years, except in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the years 2011 and 2012, both groups were at the same percentage. In detail, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 declined from around 40
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in 2010 to around 25
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in 2011. But after that, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 rapidly in 2012, for men. Moving on to the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
 women
students
Use synonyms
, was increased rapidly from 2010 to 2012. But international
students
Use synonyms
 have
slightly increased
Correct word order
increased slightly
show examples
 over the years.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a big gap between,
number
Use synonyms
 of international men
students
Use synonyms
 and international women
students
Use synonyms
, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
 women and men
students
Use synonyms
 is almost the same.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, british with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: