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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a controversial debate which
criticizes
Use the right word
criticises
show examples
 having
the
Correct article usage
a
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 wide social
relationship
Use synonyms
 with one’s
colleagues
Use synonyms
. Advocates and opponents of
this
Linking Words
 argument consider different aspects
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in turn can be acceptable
with
Change preposition
by
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 contemplating
unfavorable
Use the right word
unfavourable
show examples
 facets of each one. On the one hand, some argued that having
social
Correct article usage
a social
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life
Use synonyms
 is a dynamic action
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be formed with various
characts
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 and should not
have taken
Wrong verb form
take
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 a special
time
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 into consideration.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
require
Verb problem
need
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 to feel progress in social bonds on a regular basis during weekdays
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 only on weekends
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 their friends and family members. Since most usable
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
apply
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in each individual's
life
Use synonyms
spent
Verb problem
is spent
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 working in
people
Use synonyms
's workplace
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
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in
Change preposition
on
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 work days, they should obviously expand their social relationships with the
people
Use synonyms
 in the workplace, their
colleagues
Use synonyms
in deed
Use the right word
indeed
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. But
this
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 can have negative impacts on
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it may begin
due to
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 having common ground
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is their job, some
people
Use synonyms
 find it challenging to be able to normally spend
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
relationship
Use synonyms
 with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
. Many
people
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 get used to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 much more
time
Use synonyms
 hanging out with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 even on
weekends
Punctuation problem
weekends,
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 they prefer to spend their free
time
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 with them
instead
Linking Words
 of their family members. Having said that,
opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
opponents
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 of developing social
interact
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 with
colleagues
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 have some
logic
Replace the word
logical
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 reasons.
First,
Linking Words
expanding too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many relationships
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relationship
Use synonyms
 with
colleagues
Use synonyms
 could be detrimental to Career prospects. In many
companies
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, there is an acute competition between employees to
overtake
Verb problem
outdo
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 each other and to get
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 promotion. When they developed their
relationship
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 with their
Use synonyms
colleagues
Punctuation problem
colleagues,
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 they would
familiar
Verb problem
become familiar
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 with one another
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 they know about their
week
Use the right word
weak
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 points. So they can easily betray their colleague to move up the corporate ladder.
Decreasing
Wrong verb form
A decrease
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
companies'
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performance
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 who have a close
relationship
Use synonyms
 with those who work with
quit
Wrong verb form
them quitting
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 their jobs based on personal reasons is another reason I could put forward. Those who have a strong
relationship
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 with their
colleagues
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 would get disappointed and upset
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while
Correct word choice
when
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 quitting their job.
This
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 is because
this
Linking Words
relationship
Use synonyms
 is formed mainly
due to
Linking Words
 being in the very same place
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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. It is undoubtedly they feel missing
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they cannot have normal
performance
Use synonyms
 in their jobs. So it leads to
declining
Replace the word
a decline
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 in
employees
Check wording
employees'
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performance
Use synonyms
 and
consequently
Linking Words
record
Verb problem
results in
show examples
 a high decrease in
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
the company's
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performance
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.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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In
Fix capitalization
in
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 some
Use synonyms
companies
Punctuation problem
companies,
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 employers ignore workforce rights
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 if the workforce
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 an extended
relationship
Use synonyms
, they can
do
Verb problem
take
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 some actions against
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
the company's
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 policy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 result in negative ripple effects. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 developing
relationship
Use synonyms
 with those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you work with
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have merits and demerits, I believe that considering the domino effects of negative aspects
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its positive ones.

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task response
Task response: The essay covers both sides and gives a view at the end, but the main idea is not very clear. Some parts are weak and there are not enough good examples. Show more why you think your view is right and add one or two real life ideas.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: The plan is not clear. Use a plan: intro, two body parts, ending. Put one idea in each part. Use simple linking words: first, also, but, so, then, finally.
positive
Clear attempt to show both sides and end with an opinion
positive
Some use of linking phrases like On the one hand and Having said that

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income
  • Social network
  • Colleagues
  • Emotional support
  • Teamwork
  • Work-related challenges
  • Collaborative projects
  • Workplace events
  • Professional growth
  • Mentorships
  • Career advancement
  • Social life
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Diverse social life
  • Perspectives
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Personal development
  • Professional life
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