IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the use of water for agriculture products in Australia in 2004 and values of these products to the Australian economy in the same year.

The charts below show the use of water for agriculture products in Australia in 2004 and values of these products to the Australian economy in the same year.
The presented pie charts compare the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of water for farming products in Australia in 2004 and
worth
Correct article usage
the worth
show examples
 of these commodities to the Australian economy in the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were several noticeable changes throughout the year. It is evident that the percentage of livestock saw a remarkable rise
used
Replace the word
use
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water
Change preposition
of water
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 for agriculture.
While
Linking Words
 most of the income came from
fruit
Use synonyms
 sales. Notably, rice and vegetables had the lowest figures in both categories. Observing the diagrams in detail, the proportion of livestock illustrated the highest statistic, making up 36%.
Then
Linking Words
, dairy and cotton recorded 19% and 15% respectively. The rate of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and sugar displayed 11% and 10%
relatively
Rephrase
respectively
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 and
Use synonyms
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
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 experienced a dramatic decline, constituting 4% and 5%
correspondingly
Rephrase
respectively
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the percentage of remuneration from agricultural products, the figure for
fruit
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant upward trend, reaching a peak of 44%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
diary
Correct article usage
the diary
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased rapidly from 19% to 24%. But cotton and sugar declined slightly, representing 13% and 7%. Surprisingly, the proportion of livestock decreased dramatically by 6%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the sales of
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 grew a bit, at 5%. Eventually, rice
also
Linking Words
 dropped marginally, making up 1%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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