IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the use of water for agriculture products in Australia in 2004 and values of these products to the Australian economy in the same year.

The charts below show the use of water for agriculture products in Australia in 2004 and values of these products to the Australian economy in the same year.
The charts illustrate how
water
Use synonyms
 was used for different agricultural products in Australia in 2004 and how much
income
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 these products generated for the national economy in the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
, livestock and dairy used the largest proportion of
water
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,
while
Linking Words
 fruit contributed the highest share of
income
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some products consumed a lot of
water
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 but produced relatively low economic value. Looking first at
water
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 usage, livestock accounted for the biggest share at 35%. Dairy farming was the second largest user, making up 19% of total
water
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 consumption. Cotton
also
Linking Words
 used a considerable amount of
water
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, at 15%. Fruit and sugar used 11% and 10% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 rice and vegetables consumed the least
water
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, with only 5% and 4%.
However
Linking Words
, the pattern for
income
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 was quite different. Fruit
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
show examples
 the
highes
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highest
income
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 at 48%, despite using only a
moderative
Use the right word
moderate
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 amount of
water
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. Dairy was the second most valuable product, contributing 24% of total
income
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. Cotton accounted for 13%, followed by sugar at 7% and livestock at just 6%. Rice and vegetables provided the smallest economic returns, each making up only a small percentage.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, income with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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