It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you do not want to do, or do not have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves? I write an essay about this topic, when I will complete You tell me about my mistakes and step by step will give band score.

Some
people
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hire a house help for their
children
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's
take-care
Use the right word
care
show examples
and
also
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household work, because they
Verb problem
do have
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have not
Correct word order
not have
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enough
time
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to do these things.
This
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essay discusses
that
Correct word choice
how
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this
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is beneficial for those
people
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who need a
job
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, and if
possible
Punctuation problem
possible,
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they definitely do
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
by themselves. First and foremost, some
people
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can not do these
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
during their
job
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;
therefore
Linking Words
, they provide
opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
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to those
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who want to do
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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a
job
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, their working hours are inflexible, they need domestic help
such
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as cooking, cleaning
house
Correct article usage
the house
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and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childcare. They hire a
nainy
Correct your spelling
nanny
for their taking
Wrong verb form
to take
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care of
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
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. They can not manage the responsibility of both
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
their household and their
job
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.
Hence
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, if you hire a
housekeepers
Fix the agreement mistake
housekeeper
show examples
,
so
Rephrase
apply
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you help them as they do not have
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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.
Its
Use the right word
It's
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a way of helping others.
Furthermore
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,
people
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should do these tasks by themselves, if possible, they spend quality
time
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with their
children
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, which they feel neglected
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they learn many things with their
parents
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.
For example
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, those
children
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, whose
parents
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are both working,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have enough
time
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for them
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
their
children
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are not active and mostly are introverted;
therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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should spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
time
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with them and
also
Linking Words
do their
hosehold
Correct your spelling
household
work by themselves.
To conclude
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, it is a better way to provide employment to others for their housecare and childcare.
Parents
Use synonyms
should take these responsibilities by themselves whenever possible.

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language accuracy
Fix grammar and spelling. Use short, clear sentences.
structure
Plan your essay: clear intro with thesis, 2 body paragraphs with main ideas, and a brief conclusion.
content
Show both sides more evenly. add real details or examples to support your point.
content
The essay shows a topic and some linked ideas.
coherence
There are linking words that show order and flow.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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