IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many societies, there is an ongoing debate about whether
women
Use synonyms
 should participate equally with men in the
police
Use synonyms
 or military. Some argue that
women
Use synonyms
 are just as capable of serving in these professions,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that the physical and emotional demands of
such
Linking Words
 jobs make them unsuitable for females. I personally believe that
women
Use synonyms
 can offer many benefits Supporters of
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in the
police
Use synonyms
 and armed forces believe that
women
Use synonyms
 possess the skills and qualities required to perform successfully.
For instance
Linking Words
, modern policing and military tasks do not solely depend on physical strength,
However
Linking Words
, but on academic intelligence, communication, and decision-making skills, which
women
Use synonyms
 can demonstrate as effectively as men.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fairness discourages
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination in society, sending a positive message that ability, not
gender
Use synonyms
, must determine career suitability.
Although
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 in armies , like being a nurse for injured soldiers , by assisting those who can
work
Use synonyms
 in that field, it can be dangerous to them in terms of being on the war side.
However
Linking Words
, critics maintain that
police
Use synonyms
 and military
work
Use synonyms
 requires physical strength, aggression, and emotional toughness, qualities that are statistically more common among men. Females are often considered more closely with professions
such
Linking Words
 as teaching, healthcare, or social
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the military, soldiers must endure long deployments in hostile environments, where strict discipline and resilience are crucial. Those who doubt
women
Use synonyms
's suitability argue that
such
Linking Words
 environments may not align with
women
Use synonyms
's natural strengths, making it harder for them to thrive. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
gender
Use synonyms
 equality is an important principle, I believe that
police
Use synonyms
 and military professions are less compatible with
women
Use synonyms
's natural abilities and preferences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan first. Copy the plan as a short map: intro with your view, two bodies for the views, then a clear end.
argument
Be steady. Do not switch sides. If you say you agree, keep that point in the end too.
cohesion
Link words help. Use words like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'then' to move ideas.
grammar
Grammar needs work. Check sentences are complete and end with a dot. Watch comma use.
examples
Give small examples for each point. It helps to show strength of your view.
lexical
Use easy words. Do not use big or rare words. Keep to common words.
task response
The essay tries to show both sides then give your view.
coherence
It notes that non-physical skill matters in the job.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • stereotypes
  • diversity
  • physical prowess
  • discrimination
  • negotiation skills
  • gender roles
  • morale
  • integrated forces
  • equal opportunities
  • unit cohesion
  • combat effectiveness
  • bias
  • harassment
  • meritocracy
  • transformative
  • empowerment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: