IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010.
The line graph indicates the number of foreign tourists who
traveled
Use the right word
travelled
show examples
 to Japan for three different reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
business
Use synonyms
,holiday and
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 1990 to 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 was by far the most important tourist
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 intention in 1990.Visiting
friends
Use synonyms
 provided the lowest number in 1990. Visiting
friends
Use synonyms
 was less than 4% in 1990
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 displayed a negligible number of visitors.
By contrast
Linking Words
, holiday and
business
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion of explorers with almost 6% and 6.2% respectively.
Business
Use synonyms
 was steady from 1990 to 1995,
then
Linking Words
 rose dramatically in 2000 and collapsed in 2005 before reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a peak
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2010.Holiday had an erratic trend over the period and rose and fell from 1990 to 2010. Visiting
friends
Use synonyms
 was fairly steady until 2005 before falling significantly by 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words business, friends with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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