IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that foreign workers are essential for the economy, while others think that governments should prioritise employing their own citizens. Do you agree or disagree.

There is no doubt that the economy of a
country
Use synonyms
 depends on human resources;
however
Linking Words
, opinions regarding
this
Linking Words
 issue.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that foreigners can be a substitute for citizens, others present a counterargument.
Although
Linking Words
 providing
workers
Use synonyms
 from outside the
country
Use synonyms
 might be helpful, I firmly believe that residents have the right in their
country
Use synonyms
;
this
Linking Words
 is because individuals own the state, and
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should trust them by improving their skills.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the rights of citizens in their states is that present
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 positions for people, so the
government
Use synonyms
 reduces the unemployment rate , which is affecting on its economy.
In other words
Linking Words
, a high employment rate will cause many problems for the
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in COVID-19, the United Kingdom, the employment rate rose to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 all-time. Another important point is that governments have to trust their people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and support them by giving scholarships and training. Indeed, foreign
workers
Use synonyms
 provided by administrations have at least one or more specific
certificates
Fix the agreement mistake
certificate
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the State of Kuwait
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 brings
workers
Use synonyms
 from Egypt for building.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 will benefit from pricing
workers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some foreigners are willing to do special work;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, I maintain that citizens will be better than them;
therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 must give
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 residents an opportunity.
In addition
Linking Words
,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 inside
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 know what is good for them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Start with a clear view in one line so the reader sees your stand fast.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with one main idea.
content
Give one simple example for each idea and explain it.
vocabulary
Use plain, common words and short phrases.
grammar
Check grammar and fix big errors in verb form and noun use.
structure
End with a short, clear wrap that restates your view.
stance
The essay shows a clear view on the issue.
coherence
Some linking words are used to join ideas.
content
There is effort to give examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: