The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new Zeland in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new Zeland in 2003 and 2013.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new Zeland in 2003 and 2013.
The data illustrates
purchasing
Correct article usage
the purchasing
show examples
rate for retail
areas
Use synonyms
through online in New
Zeland
Use the right word
Zealand
show examples
between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
the
highest growing
Use the right word
fastest-growing
show examples
parts
shown
Verb problem
were shown
show examples
in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
industary
Correct your spelling
industry
and
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
covered by
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
marketing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as seen in
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
the films/Music
overlapes
Correct your spelling
overlaps
travel markets and books
areas
Use synonyms
swap with clothes sectors and vice versa. After analysing the
garph
Correct your spelling
graph
, it can be seen, in
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
people
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
more
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travelling
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
in
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
this
Linking Words
ratio
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
upto
Change preposition
to
show examples
7% .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Films/Music shows a drastic change in the time
peroids
Correct your spelling
periods
from 2003 to 2013 and shows 12% more
progess
Correct your spelling
progress
, respectively. Now moving to the next part, clothes markets
drooped
Use the right word
dropped
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 24% to 16% , in the year of 2003 to 2013, correspondingly.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
a little bit
growth
Change preposition
of growth
show examples
side in between the
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
and increased from 19% to 22%
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
3%
overall
Linking Words
growth,
overall
Linking Words
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, whereas".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words areas with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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