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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.
The pie chart illustrates the difference in consumption of
food
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 for two countries world ,
china
Fix capitalization
China
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 and India
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 2008.It provides information about processed
food
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 , vegetables and fruits, animal
food
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 , nuts and seeds and shows the proportion of each category.
Overall
Linking Words
, processed
food
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 accounted for the largest proportion,
while
Linking Words
 animal
food
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 had the smallest share. There are clear differences between the
categories
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, with some having a significant percentage compared to others. The most noticeable feature is that processed foods had the highest number in the world and
similar
Verb problem
were similar
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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China and India.Processed
food
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 accounted for 41%, which was higher than vegetables and fruits, with 29%.
animals
Fix capitalization
Animals
show examples
food
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 had a moderate proportion of 26%,
while
Linking Words
 nuts and seeds represented the smallest share at 4%.These figures highlight the differences in
food
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 across the
categories
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.Comparing the remaining
categories
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, processed
food
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 accounted for 34% and 32 %.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart shows clear variations in
food
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 among the
categories
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, categories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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