IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school ti. me. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 syllabus should include news of the
world
Use synonyms
 or not
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is a very
debating
Wrong verb form
debated
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 one nowadays and has divided
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public opinion. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we shall try to
spot
Verb problem
shed
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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light
at
Change preposition
on
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 both sides of the opinion and will
try
Verb problem
draw
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 our conclusion. Standing on the side as a protagonist of
this
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 question,
It's
Fix capitalization
it's
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 necessary to include current actualities in the secondary school syllabus because it's required for the
students
Use synonyms
 to know what's happening around the
world
Use synonyms
. Certainly,
this
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 will enhance their
horizan
Correct your spelling
horizon
 of knowledge.
Additionally
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, a detailed analysis of these events
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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also
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 required so that these children can develop critical reasoning. It's pertinent to mention that these
students
Use synonyms
our
Verb problem
are our
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 future leaders, so engaging them with the
world
Use synonyms
 from secondary
schocl
Correct your spelling
school
 days will make them more competent for the future.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study by SUST shows that
childrentrained
Correct your spelling
children trained
 to deep critical reasoning
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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19
Correct article usage
a 19
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% higher average IQ level than others. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, from an antagonist viewpoint, the age group
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to which these
students
Use synonyms
 belong
,
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apply
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 are not appropriate to learn about
world
Use synonyms
 matters.
This
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 stage is appropriate to learn social manners at first and the academic topics
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 mathematics, physics
Punctuation problem
, et
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et
Use the right word
etc
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 cetera.
Additionally
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, it's necessary to
introducebthem
Correct your spelling
introduce them
the
Change preposition
to the
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 law of nature by doing more and more practical courses
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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conducting an application of a theory of physics
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the practical room
Punctuation problem
, et
show examples
et
Use the right word
etc
show examples
 cetera.
Moreover
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, their brain cells are not developed yet to absorb the worldly news, rather engaging them
to
Change preposition
in
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this
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 would derail
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
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 their academic affairs. We can take the example of my local secondary
school
Punctuation problem
school,
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 where
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 introduced to study foreign matters had 8% drop in
tre
Correct your spelling
their
 academic results than
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 schools. So, in conclusion, I would opine that
,
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apply
show examples
 we should introduce these
studlents
Correct your spelling
students
 to
world
Use synonyms
actualites
Correct your spelling
actualities
 with deep critical reasoning
but
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, but
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 at a limited scale that could be
along with
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ther
Correct your spelling
their
 capacity
without
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, without
show examples
 hampering their academic track.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Note down main points for both views and your own view.
structure
Make a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and stick to one main idea in it.
language
Use simple, correct words. Check spelling and fix big grammar errors.
evidence
Give simple, real examples that fit the task and can be checked.
content
The piece tries to cover both sides and has a final view.
structure
There is a basic plan with intro, body and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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