IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of pence used for various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 from various
income
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, which
divided
Verb problem
are divided
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three different
food
Use synonyms
 of their choice. The line graph depicts the consumption of three types of fast
food
Use synonyms
 in
grammes
Check wording
grams
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, rich and
medium class
Use the right word
middle-class
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer more
Use synonyms
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 for their diet,
while
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 eaten by poor
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, all groups
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 less
money
Use synonyms
 on
pizza
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, use of
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
 declined from the highest to the lowest,
while
Linking Words
conumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
Use synonyms
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and
pizza
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased over the period.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the bar chart shows the
money
Use synonyms
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
.
High
Use the right word
High-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 and
average
Use the right word
average-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 choose
Use synonyms
hamburger
Correct article usage
a hamburger
show examples
 with around 45 and above 30
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the famous
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
low
Use the right word
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
overall
Linking Words
 spending on fast
food
Use synonyms
is depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on their
income
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 who
ern
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more
money
Use synonyms
 they
spending
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
money
Check wording
they spend
show examples
.
Pizza
Use synonyms
 is less popular
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 around 18 for high
income
Use synonyms
 and nearly 10 for average
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 below 10 for low
income
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the line graph shows the trend of fast
food
Use synonyms
,
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 were 300
grammes
Check wording
grams
show examples
 in 1970 and
then
Linking Words
 decreased to 200
gramms
Correct your spelling
grams
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 lowest in 1990.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
pizza
Use synonyms
 and
hambuger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
 had
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
trend
Punctuation problem
trend,
show examples
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 below 100 and
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to above 500 for
hamburger
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 highest and around 300 for
pizza
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, income, people, hamburger, fish, chips, money, pizza with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expenditure
  • Fast food
  • Income groups
  • High-income
  • Low-income
  • Medium-income
  • Hamburgers
  • Fried chicken
  • Fish & chips
  • Consumption
  • Trends
  • Significant increase
  • Decline
  • Popularity
  • Spending patterns
  • Consumption trends
  • Lifestyle
  • Preferences
  • Prices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: