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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart shows the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 and
womens
Correct your spelling
women
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who wanted
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britian
Correct your spelling
Britain
 for three periods, every 10 academic years. 
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of men enrolled in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 exceeded the
number
Use synonyms
 of men enrolled in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 throughout the entire period;
this
Linking Words
 trend was
also
Linking Words
 characteristic of women.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people receiving a full-time
education
Use synonyms
 has increased over the years. The
number
Use synonyms
 of man who chose the part-time were slightly decreased from 1000 males since 1970-1971 to 1980/1981, but after ten years of it grew to 900
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, females
number
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 growing all
te
Use the right word
the
show examples
 time since 750 to a little less than 1100,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 surpassed men. Generally, the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 in Britain in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
started the
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
 from 100
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 grew a little bit and in the third period reached 250.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
femals
Correct your spelling
female
 amount started less than the
mens
Correct your spelling
male
, but by 1990/1991, they were equal in
number
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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