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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The two charts provide information about various
work
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
 graduates and undergraduates who expect a full-time job after their graduation in 2008.
This
Linking Words
 involved 4 different types of jobs for
both
Use synonyms
 undergraduates and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 to select to ensure themselves with adequate skills in the workforce.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that there are more graduates than
postgraduates
Use synonyms
, about tenfold the population in each selection. Part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, the demand has increased for
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 after they graduate. Looking at the first graph,
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 has become the indispensable choice for graduates, with 29,665
students
Use synonyms
 in total, followed by part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and unemployment, with 17,735 and 16,235, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least popular one would be the voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 since it is unpaid in
both
Use synonyms
 developed and developing countries. Moving on to the second graph,
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 has always been the top priority for
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 to select. Surprisingly, a dramatic increase in part-time
work
Use synonyms
 constituted 2,535
students
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and the gap compared with
students
Use synonyms
 who favour
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 has shrunk. Unemployment remained the third priority of
students
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 with 1,625 of the population.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was the least preferred option for postgrads to choose in 2008. In conclusion,
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 has become the main interest for
both
Use synonyms
 undergrads and postgrads,
while
Linking Words
 volunteering jobs showed the least interest in
both
Use synonyms
 types of
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, both, postgraduates, study, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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