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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two sets of data illustrate the percentage distribution of males and females across six occupational fields: craft or similar, general labourers, other manual, managerial and professional, clerical or related, and other non-manual jobs.

The two sets of data illustrate the percentage distribution of
males
Use synonyms
 and females across six occupational fields
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 craft or similar, general labourers, other manual, managerial and professional, clerical or related, and other non-manual jobs.
Overall
Linking Words
, clerical or related jobs were the most popular among female employees compared to
males
Use synonyms
. In 1992, just under one-third of women worked in clerical or related roles.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only about 6% of men were employed in
this
Linking Words
 sector throughout the period. General labourers were the least common occupation among
both
Use synonyms
 genders, accounting for just 1% of females and 2% of
males
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, respectively. The proportion of workers in other manual jobs was similar for
both
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 groups, differing by only 1%. Notably, the highest percentage of employed
males
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 worked in craft or similar roles in 1992, peaking at over one-third.
Conversely
Linking Words
, only 3% of females were employed in
this
Linking Words
 field.
Both
Use synonyms
 the other manual and managerial/professional sectors were in high demand and
favored
Use the right word
favoured
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 by 
both
Use synonyms
 genres.

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structure
Give a short intro that says what data is shown and what trend is seen. End with a clear conclusion.
accuracy
Make sure every claim has data from the chart. For example, cite exact percentages for each field to back up statements.
content
Compare all six fields for both genders, not just the main ones. This shows full coverage.
lexical
Use simple words and short sentences. Avoid words like 'genres' and 'sector' if possible.
grammar
Fix minor grammar mistakes and check plurals.
overview
Clear main trend is shown: clerical work is higher for women, and craft work is higher for men.
cohesion
Effective use of 'Notably' and 'Conversely' to show change and contrast.
data provision
Some data points are included to back up main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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