IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

In our fiercely competitive world, people are suffering with difficulty in daily life, which leads to an increasing majority who
lack
Use synonyms
 rest from not getting enough sleep.
This
Linking Words
 issue leads to negative side effects on health, mental performance and emotional well-being.
Lack
Use synonyms
 of sleep can cause serious conditions in both physical and mental health.
Physical
Replace the word
Physically
show examples
, people may feel weak, tired, and or out of energy.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to incomplete tasks or
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
decision making
Use the right word
decision-making
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sleep
also
Linking Words
 affects brain function,
thus
Linking Words
 it might cause
long run
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 work or worse situations, especially
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an important day.
For many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
 people struggle to get enough sleep, either because they can not fall asleep easily or
work
Correct word choice
because work
show examples
 responsibilities take up most of their time. There are several ways to solve
this
Linking Words
. Trouble sleeping can be improved by removing unnecessary
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as limiting gadget use before bedtime,
helps
Correct pronoun usage
which helps
show examples
 the brain relax
instead
Linking Words
 of staying active. Avoiding caffeine in the afternoon prevents anxiety
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
bed time
Use the right word
bedtime
show examples
. Using sleeping pills or melatonin to reduce stress
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
sleep
Correct pronoun usage
you sleep
show examples
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
. One simple relaxation technique
that is
Linking Words
 an effective method is
five-sense
Correct article usage
the five-sense
show examples
 relaxation. Follow five steps: focus on sight, by noticing five things around the body,
next,
Linking Words
touch by paying attention to four sensations
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 softness of your pillow or feel of the blanket.
Then
Linking Words
 listen
three
Change preposition
to three
show examples
 sounds, like your breathing or noise from
Correct article usage
the surrounding
show examples
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
. Identify two smells and concentrate on one thing you can taste to refresh your
month
Use the right word
mouth
show examples
.
Lack
Use synonyms
 of sleep
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 harmful for both body and mind, but simple things can change in daily life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as removing
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
, avoiding caffeine and
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 the five-scene relaxation can help achieve quality rest.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, then a body part that shows cause and a body that shows how to fix it, and end with a short end line.
coherence
Use one main idea in each paragraph and use words that link them, like 'also', 'but', 'next'.
development
Give a small detail for each point so that the reader sees how it is true in life.
grammar
Check your sentences for if they go too long. Break them in two and use easy word order.
conclusion
End with a short final line that restates your view.
content
The topic is clear and you show this is about sleep and health.
solutions
You give some fixes to help sleep, like avoid caffeine and a relax plan.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
What to do next:
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