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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern forms of comunication such as email and message have reduced the amonut of time people spent seeing their friends.This has had a negative effect on their lives. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
due to
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 the invention of smart gadgets, modern ways of
communication
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such
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 as text messages, emails, and social
media
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 posts are
incrasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 rapidly, which has adverse effects on society. I firmly agree that spending excessive time on screens has decreased
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 socialising with their
friends
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. On the one hand, online
friends
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, social
media
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 apps,
increased
Correct word choice
and increased
show examples
 screen time are the primary reasons
,
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apply
show examples
people
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 are avoiding face-to-face meetings.
This
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 trend is especially noticeable among young
people
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.
Firstly
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,
instead
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 of doing outdoor
physival
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physical
 activities, children prefer to stay at home and chat with their
friends
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 by using
smart phones
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smartphones
show examples
, which is not only making them isolated but
also
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dtrimental
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detrimental
 for their physical and mental health.
Moreover
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,
nowadys
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nowadays
,
people
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 tend to make online
friends
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 on social
media
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 platforms
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and so on reduces in-person interactions.
On the other hand
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, modern
communication
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 technologies do have some advantages. They allow
people
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 to stay connected instantly, even across long distances.
For example
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, families living in different countries can maintain close relationships through video calls and instant messaging.
In addition
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, social
media
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 platforms help
people
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 share ideas, raise awareness about social issues, and even build professional networks. These benefits show that digital
communication
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 can be useful when used appropriately.
However
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, despite these positives, the overuse of
such
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 technologies often reduces meaningful face-to-face interaction, which is vital for building stronger personal relationships. In conclusion,
although
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 modern
communication
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some merits to keep
people
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 connected
worldwidely
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worldwide
, allow individuals
share
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to share
show examples
 ideas, raise awareness
etcetra
Punctuation problem
, etcetra
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, the
diadvantages
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disadvantages
 outweigh the advantages.
these
Fix capitalization
These
show examples
communication
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mediums
Replace the word
media
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more negative impacts by reducing interactions between peers and family members.

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structure
Organise into clear paragraphs with one main idea per paragraph. Start with a clear thesis and finish with a concise conclusion.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar; fix common errors (e.g., amount/number, physically, nowadays).
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect ideas (for example, however, in addition, moreover).
content
Add more specific examples and explain why they support your point.
content
Avoid repeating ideas; make sure each paragraph adds new information.
idea
There is a clear position that agrees with the statement.
content
Some good examples about social media and video calls are used.
insight
Attempts to balance with some mention of gains from tech, showing awareness.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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