IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The establishment of public transport has
enrich
Wrong verb form
enriched
show examples
 the nations in recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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. Some
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
 that large capital should be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on building
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
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 lines for bullet trains across cities,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
content
Use the right word
contend
show examples
 that revenue
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
suppose
Wrong verb form
supposed
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 to be spent on the public transport of what we
have already
Correct word order
already have
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. I believe that funding should be
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on both fast trains
development
Check wording
apply
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as well as
Linking Words
existing
Correct article usage
the existing
show examples
 public
automobile
Check wording
transportation
show examples
.  It is undeniable to avoid the benefits of what bullet trains have in our society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the construction of multiple lines not only
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of time travelling by commuters, but
also
Linking Words
mitigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigates
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 traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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 in the main city areas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with regard to
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
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 family bonds, people
are
Verb problem
apply
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now have plenty of options to choose
which
Change preposition
from which
show examples
 service they want to take in order to arrive at their destination.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the introduction of technologies
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 more opportunities for working adults to see their family members at their fingertips.  Existing public
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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,
for example
Linking Words
, can be seen to have the same value as
structing
Correct your spelling
constructing
 multiple railway lines.
For example
Linking Words
, governments should introduce the new energy
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
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 system to replace the fuel-based cars to disrupt the possible air pollution. If the funding is inadequate to support
this
Linking Words
 form of protocol, fish and other sea creatures may suffer from the
pollutatns
Correct your spelling
pollutants
 generated by humans, as
this
Linking Words
 may cause the
inbalanced
Correct your spelling
imbalance
 of
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, organisations should
also
Linking Words
 provide specific details on the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of utilising renewable energy so people would have a clear understanding of solving energy for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
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. Given the arguments above, it is reasonable
to conclude
Linking Words
 that
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 should be spent on both train routes and current public vehicles to make
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 prosper.

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structure
Plan the essay with a clear start, middle and end. State your view in the last paragraph.
coherence
Make a paragraph for each big idea. Start the paragraph with a topic sentence.
language
Use simple and clear grammar. Check for mistakes and spelling.
content
Add one real example or fact to show your point.
content
The writer uses a view of both fast trains and existing transport.
structure
The idea that both options can work is shown in the text.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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