IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's digital world, many people put their personal statement online such as adress, telephone number for a daily activities, including socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Is this a negative or a positive development?

It is, nowadays, increasingly common for internet users to share their personal data when they engage in online activities, like banking or
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 trend should be regarded as a negative development because it poses a threat to security and makes them vulnerable to identity
thefts
Fix the agreement mistake
theft
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
, putting private information on social media is disadvantageous in several ways. First of all, it puts their privacy and security at risk. To be more exact, by posting
this
Linking Words
 sort of information, individuals are unintentionally allowing fraudsters to have access to their bank accounts.
Due to
Linking Words
 the advancements in technology, personal information, particularly phone numbers, can be tracked down by high-tech hackers who
desires
Correct subject-verb agreement
desire
show examples
 to steal their money from their credit cards.
For instance
Linking Words
, there have been numerous cases in which people posted their numbers
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 were connected to their credit cards and eventually ended up losing their
life-time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
 savings.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend involves risking one’s identity details. Posting their home address or even their personal photo on the web, users
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not
realize
Use the right word
realise
show examples
 that scammers
also
Linking Words
 have access to read and view
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 data. Should these criminals involve the
utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
 of artificial
intelegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
, they can easily create a system which copies their fact.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, results in them impersonating the innocent users and committing cybercrime, whose consequences guilt-free people are accountable for in
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
 context.
For example
Linking Words
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, some of the prisoners reported that they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 not committed any crime but admitted they were not careful with their privacy when using the internet. In conclusion, I am in
favor
Use the right word
favour
show examples
 of the idea that
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 trend of posting personal data is a negative development, seeing as it allows cybercriminals to steal their identity and puts their financial means at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of being lost.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State a clear view at the start and plan your answer with 2-3 reasons. Use one simple example for each point.
coherence and cohesion
Make a clear plan in the intro. Put one idea in each paragraph. Use linking words to connect ideas.
grammar
Use simple, correct grammar. Check verb forms and spell common words correctly.
examples
Choose easy examples that help the point. Explain briefly how the example shows the risk.
conclusion
Finish with a short ending that repeats your view.
content
The writer gives a clear view that data sharing is bad.
structure
There is a conclusion that restates the view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: