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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 In the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 In the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
 chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
children
Correct word choice
that children
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 11
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 16 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 go to
school
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a year. There are four types of ways
such
Linking Words
 as walking, cycling, driving a
car
Use synonyms
, and taking a
bus
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
around 65%
student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 far from their
school
Use synonyms
 or over 5
miles
Use synonyms
 from their
Use synonyms
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 choose to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 a
bus
Use synonyms
 transportation.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 another way, 25%
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 choose to
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a
student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 not that far from their
school
Use synonyms
, 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
. usually choose to
cycling
Wrong verb form
cycle
show examples
 or
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 a
bus
Use synonyms
transportation
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
but
Fix capitalization
But
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 a
student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
 from their
school
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
 or walk.
Student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 not far from their
school
Use synonyms
1
Punctuation problem
, 1
show examples
-2
miles
Use synonyms
,
most is
Wrong verb form
mostly
show examples
 use
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, a
student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 near
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
school
Use synonyms
 0-1
miles
Use synonyms
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to walk from their home. but
also
Linking Words
 a
student
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Use synonyms
 near
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
school
Use synonyms
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to use
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
,
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
, or even
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 a
bus
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, car, bus, student, lives, miles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Modes of transportation
  • Percentage
  • Comparative analysis
  • Seasonal variations
  • External factors
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Non-motorized modes
  • Safety
  • Convenience
  • Sustainable
  • Initiatives
  • Promoting
  • Improvements
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