IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that some
college
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 pupils prefer to study other courses
instead
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 of only focusing on their main major,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 perspective. They believe that it is more crucial to concentrate on their primary major. I support the latter viewpoint, and
this
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 essay will discuss
this
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 as follows. First of all, obtaining new
skills
Use synonyms
 from other courses is beneficial to a university learner. Because
this
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 allows them to explore their talent and practice some new
skills
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 or even create a new career in future.
For example
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, a graduate who focuses on data science eventually becomes a famous comedian on YouTube and
then
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 creates a new career path
due to
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 a role-playing in an action club during his spare time in university.
Therefore
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, those
students
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 who stick to one domain might limit their possibility of success.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, many
college
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students
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have been encouraged to participate in other lectures, but they did not qualify in their own area. They were interested in another area but didn't pick it as their main direction
initially
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,
then
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 they failed all the tests in the subject that they should have concentrated
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 It is a tragedy because concentration in one area could sharpen your
skills
Use synonyms
 and
finally
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 lead to a job opportunity. For many
students
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, it is a distraction from learning too much knowledge at the same time, which could completely fail in the employment market.
For instance
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, more than half of university
students
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 have tried to open their own business in other fields, which has become a failure in the end. So, most
college
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 teens should learn more
skills
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 from their own subjects rather than pursuing other subjects. In conclusion, I strongly believe that most
college
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 should keep their concentration on the major they chose rather than spend their energy on other irrelevant subjects.

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Task response
Make your view clear from the start. State both sides and give your own view in the end.
Structure
Use a simple plan: intro, body 1, body 2, conclusion. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
Coherence
Link ideas with easy words like first, then, also, but, so. Keep order in each paragraph.
Examples
Give better examples that fit the topic and show how they help the point.
Grammar
Check tense and sentence form to be clear.
Language
Use short, simple sentences. Avoid long, hard phrases.
Strength
The writer shows a clear view.
Structure
The use of 'First of all' helps the flow.
Idea
There are some good ideas on how skills from other subjects can help.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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