IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. When choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

People have differing views
over if
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 money is the most vital consideration when looking for a
job
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 many people working for money,
while
Linking Words
 others select a
job
Use synonyms
 for other important
side
Check wording
aspects
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. In my opinion, I see that the amount of pay should be the first impression everyone will have on the company listing, since offering a
lower end
Use the right word
lower-end
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 salary speaks
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
show examples
 to the kind of environment it is
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as the
work
Use the right word
work-life
show examples
life
Check wording
balance
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
a 2019
USA based
Use the right word
USA-based
show examples
 study focused on the connection between having a good and strong salary with the work space
brought
Correct pronoun usage
it brought
show examples
 with it. During that study, almost all of the low-salary employees stated that they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 do their best since they're not feeling appreciated enough.
In addition
Linking Words
, the staff weren't as happy as they are overworked, overlooked, and underpaid.
In contrast
Linking Words
, those who are well-paid said that they are willing to take on extra work since they are feeling well appreciated, valuable and treated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals believe that there are many more important aspects of being satisfied in your
job
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 the known environment of that space;
however
Linking Words
, having a
good paying
Use the right word
good-paying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 will earn you both the satisfaction you need to do your best
as well as
Linking Words
 the tight-knit environment you're searching for.
Overall
Linking Words
, I strictly agree with
cosidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 money to be the key aspect when choosing
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 since being low-paid risks causing a burnout
as well as
Linking Words
 staff not doing their best and feeling used for their
hard-work
Use the right word
hard work
show examples
.

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task
Your view is clear that money is the main part of a job. But the answer needs more detail. Add one or two more reasons and a weaker view to show balance.
structure
Plan your writing. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then give two or three reasons with simple examples. End with a short finish.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Check spellings and put punctuation in the right place.
task
The writer shows a clear view on money as a main factor.
coherence
An example from a study is used, which helps support the idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • basic living costs
  • job satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • job security
  • personal growth
  • high-paying
  • stressful
  • values and interests
  • life stages
  • family obligations
  • financial goals
  • dissatisfaction
  • burnout
  • regret
  • innovation
  • passion-driven
  • long-term financial gains
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