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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Which subjects have more female students and which have more male students in your country? Why do you think it happens? What can be done to equal these numbers?

As everybody knows, in
italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
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 we have different types of
highschools
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high schools
show examples
, in fact we have classic
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high schools
show examples
, scientific and linguistic. Nowadays, a great part of students prefer to apply for a scientific
school
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 or a linguistic
one
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, in fact, as you can
probabily
Correct your spelling
probably
 imagine, those subjects
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 you way more
opportunies
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 than a classic
school
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 where the main subjects are
latin
Fix capitalization
Latin
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 and
greek
Fix capitalization
Greek
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. When I was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high school
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,
so
Rephrase
apply
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six years ago,
girls
Use synonyms
 used to apply for a linguistic
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high school
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 boys used to prefer a scientific
one
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. To be
honest
Add a comma
honest,
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 I did not attend
neither
Correct word choice
either
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 the scientific
neither
Correct word choice
or
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 the linguistic but the classic, because I had always wanted to do it
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, even if I was in
class
Correct article usage
a class
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 of five people, I took
this
Linking Words
 opportunity and I did it. As I didn't attend those
Use the right word
high schools
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highschools
Punctuation problem
highschools,
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 I can't actually say how many
girls
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 used to prefer a linguistic
school
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 or how many
girls
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 used to apply for a scientific
one
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, but I can tell you that linguistic is a
femminine
Correct your spelling
feminine
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high school
show examples
 attended by
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 almost
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 only
girls
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in my old
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highschool
Use the right word
high school
show examples
 in
which
Correct word choice
where
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,
a part
Use the right word
apart
show examples
 from the
classic
Fix the agreement mistake
classics
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, there were
also
Linking Words
 a linguistic class and a scientific
Use synonyms
one
Check wording
class
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, the linguistic
was
Check wording
class was
show examples
 composed
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 25 people, and 20 of them were
girls
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. I actually do not know why males tend not to go to a linguistic
highscool
Correct your spelling
high school,
 which,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, in my opinion, seeing how important languages are today,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the best
choiche
Correct your spelling
choice
 a person can
take
Use the right word
make
show examples
. In conclusion, I would like to specify that the most attended
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high school
show examples
 in Italy is the scientific
one
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, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 fact, if you think about it, a lot of males and
also
Linking Words
 a lot of
girls
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to attend a scientific
Use synonyms
highschool
Use the right word
high school
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, especially because nowadays universities, especially
med
Correct word choice
medical
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 or scientific universities have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admission tests based on math
Punctuation problem
, phisychs
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phisychs
Correct your spelling
physics,
 chemistry and science.

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improvement
Task response: The essay should answer all parts—who has more female or male students, why this happens, and what steps can help make numbers more equal. State your main view clearly and add real steps and facts.
improvement
Coherence and cohesion: Use a clear plan. Have 4 paragraphs: opening, two body paragraphs, and a short ending. Start each paragraph with a clear idea and use simple linking words to move from one idea to the next.
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Language use: check spell and form. Correct phrases like 'high school', 'opportunities', 'languages'. Use common words from the top 100.
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Structure: keep short sentences and simple form. Use one idea per paragraph and a clear end.
content
The topic is clear and the writer shares personal view and examples.
structure
There is an intro and a ending to frame ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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