IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that is good to share as much information as possible and scientific research businesses and the academic world others believe that some information is too important or two valuable to be shared freely discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that sharing
information
Use synonyms
 generally
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easier nowadays between society members.
While
Linking Words
 some argue, believe that some
information
Use synonyms
 should be stored as
secrete
Use the right word
secret
show examples
 data
due to
Linking Words
 it is valuable.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and present my opinion. On one hand, sharing
information
Use synonyms
 can form cooperation between researchers, students and specialists in many fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many advancements and achievements can be obtained in various sectors.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 shape of collaboration contributes to strengthening the social bonds
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and enhancing confidence between
new and the
Correct word order
the new and
show examples
 future generations.
For example
Linking Words
, the co-operation between students in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced global universities, especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the research field.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are achieving greater success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that there is some
information
Use synonyms
 that must be kept as vital
secretes
Replace the word
secrets
show examples
, due it
is
Use the right word
its
show examples
 importance and
confidential
Replace the word
confidentiality
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some
information
Use synonyms
 can
intimidate
Verb problem
compromise
show examples
 the security of countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Correct pronoun usage
it threaten
show examples
threaten
Correct subject-verb agreement
threatens
show examples
 their economy.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is not available to the public
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
banned
Verb problem
is banned
show examples
 in some nations.
For instance
Linking Words
, websites which interested in religious concepts and the affairs related to the military
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they unavailable within some countries. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend depends on the type and the importance of
information
Use synonyms
, whether precious or not. What's more, if it is a threat to the security of the population, it must be banned.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is useful and relevant to education, lifestyle and nutrition, and it will not cause any complications among people, society and government
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 there is no objection to sharing.
However
Linking Words
, the governments should be careful,
in addition
Linking Words
, observe the
information
Use synonyms
 which exchanged to protect their own citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix bad grammar and word order to be clear. Use simple, short sentences.
structure
Make a plan before you write. Put a main idea in each paragraph.
cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
content
Give more reasons for each view and add one clear own opinion with reasons.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
structure
There is a clear end that states your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: