IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

There are some people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
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 that the
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 context in the media is
the
Correct article usage
a
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freedom
Check wording
form
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expression.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. The main reason is that when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are exposed the harmful media over
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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, they will gradually get used to it. The public will lose the
sensitiveness
Replace the word
sensitivity
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 of whether toxic or not. There is an experiment which explains that being in harmful situations, even if they just watch it,
made
Wrong verb form
makes
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 individuals much more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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 unconsciously.
Moreover
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, a
person's
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person
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 who was exposed
in
Change preposition
to
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 negative contexts crime rate is higher than the other subjects who weren't. Another significant reason is that the toxic content
is
Verb problem
apply
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also
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the younger generations. When the pupils
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 related to those
contents
Punctuation problem
contents,
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 not only
they
Verb problem
do they
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 start to imitate the circumstances they have watched, but
also
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 their brain will get damaged. Even worse,
It
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it
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 is
notorious
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notoriously
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 addictive
toward
Change preposition
to
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 the immature brain. When they are addicted to
these
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this
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 sort of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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,
will
Correct pronoun usage
they will
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 be unmotivated in educational facilities.
Lastly
Linking Words
, before we talk about
the
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apply
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freedom, we should be aware of what it influences
to
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 adolescents, the future of the world. If the young are ruined by the devastating context which was made by the
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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, the community would be ravaged forever. Because the negative effect is already
pervaded around
Wrong verb form
pervading
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is almost impossible to
roll-back
Use the right word
roll
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 it. To prevent
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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 we must filter and watch out
our
Change preposition
for our
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behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
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 ourselves. In conclusion, for those reasons,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is undeniable that participating in the stressful media causes major problems in the world.

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content
Your view is clear. To improve, add 1 or 2 strong reasons with clear links to the topic and a short finish that restates your view.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a simple topic sentence. Then add detail and finish with a link to the next idea.
language
Fix grammar and word form. Use simple, correct phrases. For example, say 'media violence can affect young people' instead of 'the toxic content is also affect to the younger generations'.
content
You state your view clearly.
content
You give some reasons for your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Imitation
  • Media regulation
  • Cultural context
  • Exposure
  • Social influence
  • Violent imagery
  • Psychological impact
  • Norms and values
  • Media consumption
  • Sensationalism
What to do next:
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