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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favor of shorter school holidays?

There have been some discussions over whether
school
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holidays
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 should be short or long. It is obvious that either long
school
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holidays
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and
Correct word choice
or
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 the shorter one has
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 own values which can be perceived as beneficial factors to planning curriculum. On the one hand, it is argued that the two or three-month
summer
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holidays
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 can be contemplated as a great opportunity to start learning new skills and going on
vacation
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. Many consider
summer
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holidays
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 as a great
time
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 to take up new activities since during
school
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 years there is no longer enough free
time
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 to engage in. Learning
playing
Wrong verb form
to play
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 a musical instrument or a type of
sports
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sport
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, needs a great deal of
time
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 which
in
Use the right word
is
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 no longer accessible during
school
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 years.
Moreover
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, some see long
summer
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holidays
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 as
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 opportunity to go on a
vacation
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 without any worry about
interval
Check wording
the interruption
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 in
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children’s
Correct article usage
the children’s
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 learning process in
school
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. Since during
summer
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 the weather is really hot and many people cannot stand it, families prefer to manage to go on a long holiday
Linking Words
while not having
Verb problem
without
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 any stress for their
children’s
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school
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. Having said that, shorter
school
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holidays
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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school
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 officials to be able to have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 efficient curriculum
as well as
Linking Words
 high quality
of
Change preposition
apply
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learning process. Needless to
say
Add a comma
say,
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 longer
summer
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holidays
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means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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 shorter
school
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 year
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 states educational topics have to be taught to students in a shorter period of
time
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can negatively put
pressure
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 on
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 system
as well as
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the students
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students
Check wording
students'
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 learning process. So, the shorter
summer
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 holiday
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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, the better planning and higher productivity can be perceived.
Besides
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this
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, at the beginning of the
school
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 year, teachers
go into
Verb problem
have
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 a short
time
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 for reviewing the
last
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 year’s
school
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 subjects when
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
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 period
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 short.
Additionally
Linking Words
, having shorter
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vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
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 exerts less
pressure
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 on
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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. Parents have to plan their
children’s
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 free
time
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 during
vacation
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simultaneously
Punctuation problem
simultaneously,
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 they have to spend a huge amount of money on
summer
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 classes. It is obvious that
this
Linking Words
 takes
time
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 and energy
while
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 they have preoccupations and
have
Verb problem
are
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 overwhelmed with their job.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents would tolerate less
pressure
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 and stress if their children have a short period of
time
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 for
school
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holidays
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. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
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long
Correct article usage
a long
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summer
Use synonyms
vacation
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 is an appropriate opportunity for children to start engaging in new activities and taking a trip,
this
Linking Words
 can put
pressure
Use synonyms
 and stress on parents because
alongside
Punctuation problem
, alongside
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 other responsibilities, they have to manage their
children’s
Use synonyms
 free
time
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as well as
Linking Words
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a great amount of money on
summer
Use synonyms
 classes.

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task response
Be clear with your view. Say if you think long or short holidays are better in one clear line.
coherence
Make ideas fit in order. Use one side, then the other, then end with a short wrap up.
examples
Give strong ideas with a real example or detail to back each idea.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use right tense and preps.
lexical resource
Use simple words and short lines. This helps the read.
task response
The essay shows two sides and ends with a view.
coherence
Linking words like On the one hand and Having said that help flow.
content
The writer keeps to the topic and talks about how holidays affect families.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • schools
  • students
  • learning
  • experience
  • travel
  • cultural awareness
  • skills
  • interests
  • activities
  • family time
  • quality time
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • rest
  • relax
  • summer camps
  • sports
  • bonds
  • memories
What to do next:
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