IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
The two bar charts compare the rate of employment between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
different three
Correct word order
three different
show examples
 nations (Canada, South Korea, and
Sweden
Use synonyms
) in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2005 and 2015. The units are measured with percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of workers in all countries escalated for both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, except
Sweden
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 dropped by 2015. Another seeking point is that
Sweden
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest employment rates of
men
Use synonyms
 and women in the first period. In 2005, the figure of male workers in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 comprised slightly under 80% and roughly 45% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 proportion in that year for both
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 in Canada and South Korea
just
Verb problem
is just
show examples
 over 60% and 70%, respectively. By 2015,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 experienced
Correct article usage
a declined
show examples
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 in the
men
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 approximately 70%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of women workers saw
growth
Correct article usage
a growth
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5% to almost 50%. The number of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in Canada
commencing
Verb problem
ranges from
show examples
 about 60% and ending with 70%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in South
Korea
Add a comma
Korea,
show examples
 the proportion went up from 30% in 2005 to around 35% by
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
 year, which made it the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar charts
  • percentages
  • employment
  • countries
  • 2005
  • 2015
  • trends
  • differences
  • changes
  • men
  • women
  • variations
  • patterns
  • significant
  • observations
  • summarize
  • findings
  • predictions
  • future trends
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