IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows the percentage of household expenditure on goods and services in a country from 1995 to 2005

The chart shows the percentage of household expenditure on goods and services in a country from 1995 to 2005
The pie charts compare the percentage of family expenses on products and services in a country between 1995 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the highest proportion of
household
Use synonyms
 spending was on food,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest percentage was
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medicine. As the charts show,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the
household
Use synonyms
 consumption was on food 68% and 59% in 1995 and 2011, respectively. The second main family
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
 was on clothing
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost similar percentages in both years(19% and 18%).
By contrast
Linking Words
, one of the
fewer
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 domestic spending was on
household
Use synonyms
9
Punctuation problem
, 9
show examples
% in 1995
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it increased to 12% in 2011. Regarding the lowest proportion of
household
Use synonyms
 expenditure, it was on medicine. As it was only 4% in 1995 , it grew rapidly to 11% despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 percentage compared to other expenses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words household with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: