IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believed that we should change old
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 or
buildings
Use synonyms
 to a more contemporary one. Others believed that old
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be kept and
proctect
Correct your spelling
protected
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will tackle both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 of the
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
.I tend to think that old
buildings
Use synonyms
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been downgraded should be replaced by newly made ones. On the one hand, keeping old houses
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 keeping memories for some
people
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 elderly citizens.
For instance
Linking Words
 , Asian
people
Use synonyms
 treat their old house with respect since they are
the
Correct article usage
an
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 inheritance
of
Change preposition
from
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 the older generations to them. Vogue has conducted
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research about
this
Linking Words
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 in Asia, asking
people
Use synonyms
 why
are
Correct word order
apply
show examples
their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
so
Correct word order
are so
show examples
 valuable to them. 90% of whom replied
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 is a memorial piece from their ancestor.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 it is a beautiful tradition of their culture that they cannot and will not change in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
severly
Correct your spelling
severely
 downgraded
buildings
Use synonyms
 are becoming more and more dangerous
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time. One example of the threat that these
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
poses are
Correct subject-verb agreement
pose is
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 the
likeliness
Check wording
likelihood
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 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 falling apart,
that
Correct word choice
which
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 alone would certainly result in severe casualties. Many
sky scrappers
Use the right word
skyscrapers
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 in China had reportedly
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fallen apart in 2015
due to
Linking Words
 poorly made
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 and overly aged
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 caused detrimental effects to the citizens and China's economy.
Thus
Linking Words
,
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 kind of structure should be replaced
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 with caution
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
 not
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 will certainly bring harm to us. In conclusion,
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 keeping the old houses or replacing them with contemporary ones to avoid the effects that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been stated earlier should be considered
thouroughly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
. Personally, I fancy the idea of bringing a "new breeze of building" into our cities
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is indubitably a wonderful idea.

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task
Start with a clear idea. In the intro, say what you think and what you will talk about.
coherence
Put each main idea in its own paragraph. Use linking words like and, but, also to show flow.
task
Give strong, easy to see examples that fit the point you make.
grammar
Check grammar and spellings. Use simple, correct sentences.
analysis
The essay tries to cover both sides and gives a view.
structure
There are clear signs of contrast with on the one hand and on the other hand.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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