IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

in
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In
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 the beginning ,
i'm
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I'm
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 going to write about the violence on
television
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 and how
does
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apply
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it
effect
Verb problem
affects
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 our
children
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 First of all , there are many kinds of things that we can watch on
television
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 , and every thing have its own audience , of course i agree the violence isn't good for
children
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 , they can watch a lot of other things
such
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 as cartoons or kids YouTube , if we don't watch our kids and what are they watching ,
television
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 could destroy them , violence could could impact them now and
also
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 when they grow up , it could impact their personality and their treat with
people
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 ,
however
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 ,
television
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 could be good for them if we make them use it in
right
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 way , it could make their personality better especially for those who are afraid of communicate with
people
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 , i believe that there are certain shows the could help
children
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 to understand the world better and help them with their adults lives , their are many shows that could help them now the
right
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 thing and the wrong thing , it can even help them make the
right
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 decisions in their childhood making them better
people
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 in the future
in
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In
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 the conclusion ,
children
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 don't
now
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know
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 what
is
Verb problem
apply
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the
right
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 thing to do so we must teach them and
telling
Wrong verb form
tell
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 them every
right
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 option and how to make them better
people
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structure
Begin with a clear view in one line. Stick to this view and say why you think so.
structure
Make two body ideas. One on how TV can harm, one on how it can help if used right, and keep them in order.
cohesion
Use simple links to move from one idea to the next, like also, but, next, and finally.
grammar
Check your grammar. Use a subject with a verb in each sentence. Try to use present form for facts.
examples
Give one small example for each main idea, like a show for kids or a cartoon.
conclusion
End with one short line that restates your view.
content
You try to tell your view and keep a feel of both sides.
structure
You point to how TV can be used in a right way, not just bad.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exposure
  • influence
  • desensitization
  • imitate
  • parental guidance
  • education
  • mitigate
  • negative impact
  • affected
  • violent content
  • behavior
  • factors
What to do next:
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