IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing demand for energy such as oil and gas, people start to look for their sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Oil
Use synonyms
 and gas are
non renewable
Use the right word
non-renewable
show examples
 resources
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is well
known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 fact that we are consuming
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 at a rapid rate.
As a result
Linking Words
, people start exploring untouched, remote regions in order to meet the rising demand.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 searching new lands helps
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
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 the consumption requirement, in my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
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 the disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as environmental
Correct your spelling
degradation
degredation
Punctuation problem
degredation,
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brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 greater challenges. To start with,
everytime
Use the right word
every time
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 a remote place has human intervention, it disturbs the natural ecosystem of a place. It often results in depletion of the
flaura
Correct your spelling
flora
 and fauna
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 to consequences
such
Linking Words
 as environmental pollution. Adding on, it often results in changes in
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
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,
such
Linking Words
 as unexpected natural calamities.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of
oil
Use synonyms
exactraction
Correct your spelling
extraction
 using techniques like
hydrolic
Correct your spelling
hydraulic
 fracturing, the
ground water
Use the right word
groundwater
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 has been contaminated
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 to massive deaths of plants and animals in the area of Grande
Prarie
Use the right word
Prairie
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
contributing
Punctuation problem
, contributing
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 to landslides and soil erosion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the population needs energy for survival as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern lives rely heavily on energy. These fuels are used
everyday
Use the right word
every day
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 on an extremely large scale
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars to a tubelight, and from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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table lamps to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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huge factories. Even a small power outage in production outlets can damage billions of dollars. So
extracting
Punctuation problem
, extracting
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oil
Use synonyms
 and gas from new, untouched
oil
Use synonyms
 beds can be a great help to keep the economy going.
For example
Linking Words
, the discovery of new
oil
Use synonyms
 sand beds in Alberta helped half of the country to run smoothly by providing fuel. In conclusion, though the economy in modern
the
Correct article usage
apply
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world depends heavily on
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas, I am of the opinion that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it should not come at the cost of our environment. The government should rather spend the money on discovering more renewable fuels
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the disadvantages of discovering new regions for fuels outweigh
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 advantages.

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planning
Plan your essay with a simple plan first. One idea per part, and use link words to join ideas.
language
Check main spell and grammar. Words like degradation, extraction, hydraulic may be hard to spell. Check your work.
development
Give more detail and use simple real life examples to show your point.
task response
Give a clear view in the last part and keep to it. Do not mix ideas.
structure
The essay has a clear form: intro, body and conclusion.
content balance
The writer shows view on both sides of the topic.
examples
There is a try to use an example.
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