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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this correspondence?

In some traditions, children are told that as long as they work hard enough, they can achieve anything.
While
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this
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 approach has its advantages (like motivation to put in the effort and boost confidence) and disadvantages (namely demotivation if things don't go their way), the benefits do outweigh its drawbacks.
One
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 of the main merits of
this
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 trend
,
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apply
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 is the increased motivation to work towards their goals.Once children believe in
this
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 approach, they won't shy away from going the extra mile.
This
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 mindset enables
one
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 to eventually achieve their objective, and once these youngsters start to taste success, they will be encouraged to grind even more.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 trend can increase
one
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's confidence as well. When you start achieving your target, you start to believe in yourself and your capabilities as well.
For instance
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, many famous individuals had to struggle to reach the point they are now , and almost all of them have confidence in themselves.
However
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,
this
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 method has its downsides.The most significant
one
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 being
a
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apply
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high expectations.The problem that most people make is that they start to think
if
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that if
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 they work hard, they will attain anything they want in a short time, and when things don't go their
way
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way,
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 they feel like their hard effort was for nothing. In conclusion,
although
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 telling youngsters to make the effort to get their end target can boost children's self-belief and drive to strive even harder, it can
also
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 make them have unattainable expectations.
However
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, I do believe that the merits are much more significant than its limitations.

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task response
The essay has a clear idea, but it needs more detail for each point. Add one or two small facts or examples to back each idea.
coherence
Make one main idea per paragraph. Start with a short line that shows the idea, then add a simple example.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spacing. Use a space after every period and avoid long phrases that are hard to read.
content
The idea that good parts are more than bad parts is clear.
structure
It uses simple links like but, however, and in conclusion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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