IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In many nations, students choose to leave their family
house
Use synonyms
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduation to live by themselves or with their friends. I believe it has positive effects on youngsters,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 gain
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and learn social
skills
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 and how to manage their
time
Use synonyms
. One of the beneficial sides of living without family members can help
graduatees
Correct your spelling
graduates
 to become more responsible. Most of the
time
Use synonyms
, in
parents'
Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
show examples
house
Use synonyms
, young people do not help with tasks
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning or shopping for food. In most families, these tasks
allocated
Verb problem
are allocated
show examples
 between mother and father, and their children don't participate in
.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they do not develop
skills
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on
Change preposition
in
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 those areas.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 when
graduatees
Correct your spelling
graduates
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to build a different life without their
parent's
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parents'
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 help, they become adults with domestic
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
. It helps them for the future, when they become
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
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 these household issues would be
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easier for them to adapt. Another great side of living in
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 home can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
time
Use synonyms
 management and communication
skills
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. Young individuals can learn how to use their
time
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 properly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by dividing tasks between people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they share the
house
Use synonyms
 with. Some of the roommates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can be
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to deal with,
by
Correct word choice
but by
show examples
 living with
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 they learn how to handle hard situations in their work life. In conclusion, I believe there are lots of valuable sides to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 with someone or by yourself. It is not only good for scheduling or
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 with
diffucult individials
Correct your spelling
difficult individuals
, it
also
Linking Words
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 to be in charge of a
house
Use synonyms
.

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language
Fix spelling and grammar errors (eg. 'resposibility' should be 'responsibility', 'graduatees' to 'graduates'). Use short, simple sentences.
structure
Start each para with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Keep ideas in a simple order.
coherence
Use linking words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' to show how ideas connect.
content
Give 1–2 clear examples for each point that fit the prompt. Keep examples simple and real.
content
The writer shows a clear view that living away from family can be good.
content
Two main ideas are used: responsibility and how to manage time and talk with others.
content
The essay tries to talk about a real issue and keep the topic in mind.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-reliance
  • financial responsibility
  • social isolation
  • housing demand
  • personal growth
  • financial strain
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making skills
  • disrupt
  • support networks
What to do next:
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