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Writing Samples
Band 5

Is fast food to blaim for obesity in society or is gaining too much weight is the responsibility of the individuals? What are the factors contribute the obesity? Why do you think that children are becoming obese.

Obesity
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a significant health crisis in many societies, raising the question of whether fast
food
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 is to blame or if
individuals
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 must take
responsibility
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 for their weight gain.
While
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 both fast
food
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 consumption and individual
choices
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 play critical roles in the
obesity
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 epidemic, several underlying
factors
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 contribute to
this
Linking Words
 complex issue.
Furthermore
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, the rising rates of childhood
obesity
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 are particularly concerning and warrant a closer examination. Fast
food
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 has become a staple in modern diets, largely
due to
Linking Words
 its convenience, affordability, and aggressive marketing. Many fast
food
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 items are high in calories, sugars, and unhealthy fats, making them appealing yet detrimental to health. The proliferation of fast
food
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 outlets has made it easier for
individuals
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, especially those with busy lifestyles, to opt for quick meals rather than healthier options.
This
Linking Words
 shift in dietary
habits
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 is a significant contributor to rising
obesity
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 rates.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the marketing strategies employed by fast
food
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 companies often target
children
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, making unhealthy
food
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choices
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 more attractive from a young age.
However
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, blaming fast
food
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 alone for
obesity
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 overlooks the
responsibility
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individuals
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 bear for their dietary
choices
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. People have the agency to make decisions about what they eat and how much they exercise.
Factors
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such
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 as education, socioeconomic status, and personal motivation play a crucial role in shaping these
choices
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.
Individuals
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 equipped with knowledge about nutrition and healthy lifestyles are more likely to make better
food
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 decisions.
Conversely
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, those lacking
this
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 knowledge may fall prey to unhealthy eating
habits
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, regardless of the availability of fast
food
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. Several additional
factors
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 contribute to
obesity
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 beyond fast
food
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 consumption and individual
responsibility
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. Sedentary lifestyles, exacerbated by technology and the rise of screen time, have led to decreased physical
activity
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. In many households,
children
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 spend hours in front of screens, which not only reduces their
activity
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 levels but
also
Linking Words
 increases their exposure to advertisements for unhealthy
food
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, socioeconomic
factors
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 can limit access to healthy
food
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 options, particularly in low-income communities where fresh produce may be scarce and fast
food
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 is more accessible.
Children
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's
obesity
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 is particularly alarming, as it can lead to lifelong health issues. The combination of poor dietary
choices
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 and lack of physical
activity
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 creates a perfect storm for weight gain in
children
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.
Additionally
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, family
habits
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 heavily influence
children
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's eating
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. Parents who frequently consume fast
food
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 may inadvertently teach their
children
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 to do the same.
Moreover
Linking Words
, emotional
factors
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such
Linking Words
 as stress or boredom can lead
children
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 to seek comfort in unhealthy snacks,
further
Linking Words
 contributing to weight gain. In conclusion, both fast
food
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 and individual
responsibility
Use synonyms
 play significant roles in the
obesity
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 epidemic.
While
Linking Words
 the convenience and marketing of fast
food
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 contribute to unhealthy eating
habits
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,
individuals
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 must
also
Linking Words
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
show examples
 their
responsibility
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 in making informed dietary
choices
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. The
factors
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 contributing to
obesity
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 are multifaceted, including lifestyle, socioeconomic status, and family influences. To combat
this
Linking Words
 crisis, it is essential to promote education on nutrition, encourage physical
activity
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, and foster environments where healthy
food
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choices
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 are accessible to all, particularly for
children
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. Only through a collective effort can we hope to reverse the trend of
obesity
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 in society.

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task response
Task response: The essay shows both sides and ends with a view that both fast food and personal choice matter. To raise the score, add more clear evidence or simple facts to back each point. Be clear about your own view in each part.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The ideas flow well with linking words. To improve, start each part with the main idea and keep one idea per part. Use simple links such as and, but, also, then, so to show how points connect.
content
Clear balance of fast food and personal choice.
structure
Good use of linking words to show flow.
overall
Clear introduction and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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