IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take the responsibility?

The question of
responsibility
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 for the
care
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 of the elderly is a significant and complex issue that has garnered considerable debate.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that the
government
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 should play a central
role
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 in providing for the elderly, others contend that
this
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responsibility
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 lies primarily with family
members
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. In my opinion, a balanced approach that involves both
government
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support
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 and familial involvement is essential to ensure that elderly individuals receive the
care
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 they deserve.
Firstly
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, the
government
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 has a fundamental obligation to protect its citizens, especially the vulnerable populations, including the elderly. As societies age, the number of people requiring assistance with daily living activities increases. Governments can provide essential services
such
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 as healthcare, financial
support
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, and social programs that ensure the well-being of older adults.
For instance
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, countries like Sweden and Norway have implemented comprehensive welfare systems that offer extensive
support
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 to the elderly, including
subsidized
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subsidised
show examples
 healthcare and retirement benefits. These programs alleviate the financial burden on families and create an environment where older adults can live with dignity and respect.
Moreover
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,
government
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 intervention can help
standardize
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standardise
show examples
 the quality of
care
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 provided to the elderly. By establishing regulations and guidelines for elderly
care
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 facilities, the
government
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 can ensure that all individuals receive a minimum level of
care
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, regardless of their socio-economic status.
This
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standardization
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standardisation
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 is crucial in preventing neglect and abuse, which can sometimes occur in private
care
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 settings.
On the other hand
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, the
role
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 of family
members
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 in caring for the elderly cannot be overlooked. Many cultures
emphasize
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emphasise
show examples
 the importance of familial
responsibility
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, viewing the
care
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 of elderly relatives as a moral obligation. Family
members
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 often have a deeper emotional connection with their elderly relatives, which can lead to better understanding and more
personalized
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personalised
show examples
care
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.
Moreover
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, the presence of family can significantly enhance the mental well-being of older adults, providing them with companionship and emotional
support
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 that institutional
care
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 may lack.
However
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, it is essential to
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 that not all families are in a position to provide adequate
care
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. Economic constraints, geographical distance, and the demands of modern life can make it challenging for family
members
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
this
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role
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. In
such
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 cases,
government
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support
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 becomes crucial to bridge the gap and ensure that the elderly are not left without adequate
care
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 and
support
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. In conclusion, the
responsibility
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 for caring for the elderly should not fall solely on either the
government
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 or family
members
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.
Instead
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, a collaborative approach that combines the strengths of both entities is necessary. Governments should provide robust
support
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 systems,
while
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 families should be encouraged to play an active
role
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 in the
care
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 of their elderly relatives.
This
Linking Words
 partnership can create a more comprehensive and effective solution to the challenges faced by the
aging
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ageing
show examples
 population, ultimately leading to a society that respects and values its elderly citizens.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first sentence.
coherence
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and show how it backs your view.
task response
Add more exact examples or small facts to back points.
coherence
Use linking words to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check grammar and keep sentences simple and short.
content
Clear view on the issue.
content
Good balance of ideas for government and family.
content
Solid use of real world examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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