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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today's world of communication, some have argued that parents ought to motivate their
children
Use synonyms
 to participate in social
groups
Use synonyms
 in their leisure time.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn how to spend free time on their own. I believe that
children
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 should take part in diverse
groups
Use synonyms
, since it provides valuable opportunities for
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their skills, including decision-making, communication, critical thinking and creativity, and I disagree with
children
Use synonyms
's isolation, as it potentially leads to serious mental challenges
such
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 as depression. The proponents of participating in
groups
Use synonyms
 cite that
this
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 attitude fosters
children
Use synonyms
's essential skills involving problem-solving, patience, and innovation, contributing to their development in their personal and professional lives.
In addition
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, these
groups
Use synonyms
 provide great experiences in the real world, leading to a cycle of growth, which is truly invaluable. A pertinent example is Iran, where
groups
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 related to political challenges are established, providing a unique opportunity to freely share individuals' opinions in a respectful atmosphere, assisting in cultivating their critical thinking abilities.
Hence
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, these
groups
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 can act as a strong foundation, posing positive implications for
children
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.
On the other hand
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, the advocates of isolation voice that
children
Use synonyms
 on their own can think
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their challenges in life and find solutions
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them, which would mitigate their problem-solving abilities.
Moreover
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, the achievements that they gain on their own can
convey
Verb problem
enable
show examples
 them to be independent people. A salient example is Africa, where parents allow their
children
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 to hunt on their own, since they believe that
this
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 method of nurturing makes them powerful and
skillful
Use the right word
skilful
show examples
.
Thus
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,
this
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 attitude would enhance traits
such
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 as confidence and self-esteem.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
although
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 isolation would reinforce
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 in
children
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, it can threaten their health and transform them into a person who suffers from a lack of communication skills.
Consequently
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, it is imperative for
children
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 to participate in
groups
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, which presents practical learning.

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structure
Give a clear, single position in the introduction and keep it throughout. Each paragraph should support that position with one main idea and evidence.
content
Use more relevant, simple examples from real life for children. Avoid broad or political cases that do not connect to the topic.
coherence
Tighten the link between ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and use linking words to guide the reader.
content
The essay talks about both views and says what you think.
coherence
There are words that show contrast (but, on the other hand) and a closing part.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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