IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In future more people will choose to go to holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holidays. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that more
people
Use synonyms
 will choose to spend holidays in other states to explore.I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 would prefer their own country ,
due to
Linking Words
 an increase in
people
Use synonyms
 pursuing education and jobs abroad. One major reason
people
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad is to experience new cultures.
For instance
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, destinations like
Maldives
Correct article usage
the Maldives
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 and Hawaii attract millions of tourists every year because of their unique traditions and natural beauty. Travelling abroad allows
people
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 to explore lifestyles that are very different from their own, which creates excitement and curiosity.
In addition
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, most
people
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travel
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 to pursue their hobbies. Nepal host considerable international
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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due to
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 its mountain ranges;
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
mountaniers
Correct your spelling
mountaineers
travel
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 hear in order to climb the
himalayan
Fix capitalization
Himalayan
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 ranges. Depending on
a
Correct article usage
an
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individuals
Check wording
individual's
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hobby
Punctuation problem
hobby,
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 they can
travel
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 to these areas to take a break from their work. Safari trips in
african
Fix capitalization
African
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coutnry
Correct your spelling
countries
also
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 attract a lot of foreigners
However
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, a number of
people
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 prefer to spend time in their homeland
due to
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 the separation between family. When pursuing education or work abroad, a person can start to miss their family and home
,
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 long separation often urges
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their holidays in their own countries. A lot of undergraduate students from Pakistan return from their exam breaks as soon as they get the chance.
Furthermore
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, culture shock can prevent individuals from spending vacations outside their own nation. Every nation has its own culture and problems, and a significant number of
people
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 are not ready to face these changes.
Hence
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, they would prefer to spend their time in their homeland.
To conclude
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, most
people
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travel
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 abroad out of curiosity or to pursue their hobbies.I believe that most folk will prefer their own state
due to
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 missing their home or being afraid of the unknown of another nation.

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grammar
Fix many spelling and word form errors. For example, 'alot' should be 'a lot', 'coutnry' is 'country', 'mountaniers' is 'mountaineers'.
punctuation
Use punctuation well. Use full stops to end ideas and capital letters at the start of new sentences.
structure
Make one clear idea per paragraph. In intro say your view, in body give one main point with an example and a short explain, then another point with example.
coherence
Keep ideas simple and close to the topic. Each paragraph should show how the idea links to your view.
content
Give more data or examples that fit the main idea and connect them to your view. Some parts feel general.
task
Clear stance on the topic.
coherence
Some good link words to join ideas.
content
Examples from different places show travel ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • travel costs
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental awareness
  • local destinations
  • cultural attractions
  • historical sites
  • global crises
  • pandemics
  • geopolitical tensions
  • social media
  • travel experiences
  • explore
  • eco-friendly
  • rich experiences
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