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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two bar charts below show the propotion of 14 to 16-year old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country and the top 3 foreign languages . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.

The two bar charts below show the propotion of 14 to 16-year old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country and the top 3 foreign languages . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.
The illustration compares
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of students who studied a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in 1984 and 2007,
as well as
Linking Words
 shows
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 3 foreign languages studied in the same years.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 study foreign languages more than boys, and French is the most preferred
language
Use synonyms
. In 1984, the
proportion
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 of
girls
Use synonyms
 studying foreign
language
Use synonyms
 was much higher
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, in
2007
Punctuation problem
2007,
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 the gap between
girls
Use synonyms
 and boys
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 decreased, and still
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
Rephrase
still dominates
show examples
dominates
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
. In 1984, French was the most studied
language
Use synonyms
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Spanish
- least
Verb problem
was - least
show examples
.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
show examples
 the ranking did not change in 2007, the
proportion
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 has changed significantly,
thus
Linking Words
 Spanish has become more popular among students and French
less
Verb problem
has become less
show examples
 popular, decreasing from 50% to almost 25%. In conclusion,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of students studying languages has decreased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the gap between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders
decreased
Verb problem
has decreased
show examples
. French remains as the
top ranked
Use the right word
top-ranked
show examples
language
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 not
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 popular as before, Spanish
incraesed
Correct your spelling
increased
 its
popularuty
Correct your spelling
popularity
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, language, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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