IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

School should focus on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less helping them achieve academic success. Agree or disagree?(

In recent years, educational institutions should concentrate on teaching
students
Use synonyms
 how to be successful in the workplace and less
assisting
Change preposition
on assisting
show examples
 them
succeed
Verb problem
to succeed
show examples
 in subjects. They should strike a balance with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. Because both of them play a crucial role in
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
show examples
 my thoughts with reasons and examples. On the one hand, there are a number of factors that schools should pay
attention more
Correct word order
more attention
show examples
 to be successful in the workforce compared to less aiding
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 academic excellence.
It is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should perceive
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of personalities like discipline,
courageous
Replace the word
courage
show examples
,
problem
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 solving and other similar
skills
Use synonyms
. Most
people
Use synonyms
 consider that communication
skills
Use synonyms
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 at work are more substantial.
For instance
Linking Words
, if individuals know about
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
, they possess
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wide range of knowledge and property.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who understand the ways
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to be successful, the indication of drawbacks
commence
Correct subject-verb agreement
commences
show examples
 diminishing in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 future career.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schools should focus on educating
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
academic success. Theoretical knowledge is
also
Linking Words
 essential to
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 the occasions. If
students
Use synonyms
 have
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ability to know about academic excellence, they
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not come across a lot of difficulties in the workplace.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 might not achieve huge success without experience.
To sum up
Linking Words
, educational institutions should
follow
Verb problem
teach
show examples
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 in the workforce and
also
Linking Words
assisting
Wrong verb form
assist
show examples
 them
attain
Wrong verb form
in attaining
show examples
 academic success. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 schools play an essential role in
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
the lives
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your view clear. Say if you agree or partly agree and back it with one main idea.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use easy words like and, but, also to join sentences.
content
Add one or two simple examples to back your point.
content
The essay shows some attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
There is use of clear sign words like On the one hand and On the other hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: