IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should give up using books, which makes children feel boring, they should use films, video games, computers instead.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today`s fast-paced world, everyone
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should quit
books
Use synonyms
, which makes
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
boring
Correct word choice
bored
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 they should shift towards
films
Use synonyms
, games and laptops. In my opinion,
books
Use synonyms
 are worthy for studying, as
books
Use synonyms
 are
Correct article usage
a treditional
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treditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 method of
study
Use synonyms
,
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 methods may distract
students
Use synonyms
 and may create health problems for
students
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the public says
students
Use synonyms
 need
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology for
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 in schools.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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modern instruments
such
Linking Words
 as computers and
films
Use synonyms
 can provide
visual
Correct article usage
a visual
show examples
 experience to pupils, but
this
Linking Words
 may increase their screen time, which may cause eyesight failure in future.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can distract
students
Use synonyms
, as they can be addicted to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. and may
encorage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them to watch negative movies and they possibly
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their focus
from
Change preposition
on studying
show examples
study
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University which says
students
Use synonyms
 who
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 online
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
50
Correct article usage
a 50
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 per cent chance
to lose
Change preposition
of losing
show examples
 their vision.
In addition
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, some people believe that schools should shift their trend from
books
Use synonyms
 to
films
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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,
books
Use synonyms
 are
historical
Correct article usage
a historical
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 method of knowledge,
while
Linking Words
films
Use synonyms
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 are new
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of information, so the public
consider
Correct subject-verb agreement
considers
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
authentic data,
while
Linking Words
 online E-
books
Use synonyms
 have reported missing data, in many cases.
Furthermore
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,
books
Use synonyms
 have limited and key information to share and it is never going off topic, so there are
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 chances of distraction for pupils, and it is not
depnding
Correct your spelling
dependent
 on factors
such
Linking Words
 as internet speed and connectivity.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an article in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the Times of India which mentioned
books
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
, online
study
Use synonyms
 and movies may impact
nagetively
Correct your spelling
negatively
for society. In conclusion,
books
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 accurate and correct data and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not unhealthy
such
Linking Words
 as
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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,
that
Correct word choice
which
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i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am convinced that online modes of
study
Use synonyms
 in schools may encourage
students
Use synonyms
 for negative behaviour.

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task
State your view clearly at the start and keep a steady position through the essay.
task
Develop each point with a clear reason and add simple examples that support it.
coherence
Use topic sentences for each paragraph and link ideas with simple connectors (and, but, also, then).
language
Check grammar and spelling, fix errors in subject-verb and plural forms.
structure
Keep to one idea per paragraph and use punctuation to show pauses.
strength
Clear view on the topic is stated in the introduction
strength
Some attempt to link ideas with connectors
strength
Conclusion includes a summary and restates stance
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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