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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the changes in the percentage of people who go to the movies once a month by age group in a European country from 2000 to 2011.

The graph shows the changes in the percentage of people who go to the movies once a month by age group in a European country from 2000 to 2011.
The line graph illustrated the
tranding
Correct your spelling
trend
 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the cinema
one
Use the right word
once
show examples
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
per
month
Punctuation problem
month,
show examples
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 a European country between 2000 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total average of all
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 was a significant growth over the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 15 to 24 had the highest level,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 lowest numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 who were over 35 years old
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest level. In 2000, there was a significant
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 percentage in all
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 by 15
which is
Verb problem
,
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-24
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
group
Use synonyms
the
Verb problem
being the
show examples
 most interested in
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dramactically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 until
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007. Before
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 decrease in
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 2009,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who enjoy
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
went up
repidly
Correct your spelling
rapidly
 in the rest of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of the oldest
group
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 2000 to
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 approximately 5 and
then
Linking Words
amount
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly rose
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in the final
of
Check wording
year of
show examples
 the
year
Check wording
decade
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
 of
middle
Correct word choice
middle-aged
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Check wording
people
show examples
 who love
whtching flim
Correct your spelling
watching films
 was
simmilar
Correct your spelling
similar
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
show examples
 10
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2000 and 2005. In the rest of the year, both had small changes over 10
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 between 2006 and 2011, there was a
fluctuation
Correct word choice
rapid fluctuation
show examples
 rapidly
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • graph
  • year
  • country
  • age
  • group
  • monthly
  • movie
  • watch
  • go
  • rise
  • increase
  • fall
  • decrease
  • growth
  • decline
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • by
  • from
  • to
  • than
  • other
  • similar
  • different
  • small
  • big
  • significant
  • steady
  • gradual
  • sharp
  • peak
  • valley
  • data
  • number
  • people
  • audience
  • viewers
  • cinema
  • film
  • price
  • cost
  • time
  • leisure
  • reason
  • cause
  • result
  • compare
  • in contrast
  • although
  • however
  • therefore
  • first
  • then
  • finally
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