IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The given chart compares
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 aged between 60-64
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 and the
women
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 in the same age
, in
Check wording
range, in
show examples
 two different years
2000
Punctuation problem
, 2000
show examples
 and 1970.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 we can see that the
men
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always more than the
women
Use synonyms
. The highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the
women
Use synonyms
 were
also
Linking Words
 in
Use synonyms
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
 you can notice that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 in Australia increased rapidly from 47 to 74
whilst
Punctuation problem
, whilst
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in Australia decreased slightly from 19 to 18.
Use synonyms
Men
Check wording
Men's
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
 had
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 slightly to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
84 after it was 76 in 1970,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased gradually from 40 to 43. In
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 noticeable that
men
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 significantly went up to
73
Punctuation problem
73,
show examples
 before it was 55
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 the
women
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 decreased from 38 to 36. To sum it up all
men
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percentage
Check wording
apply
show examples
kept increasing
whilst
Punctuation problem
, whilst
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
women
Correct word order
apply
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
Correct word order
women increased
show examples
increased
Punctuation problem
increased,
show examples
 unless usa

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, employment, women, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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