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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first line chart illustrates the changes of the percentage of households using electrical appliances from 1920 to 2019.

The first line chart illustrates the changes of the percentage of households using electrical appliances from 1920 to 2019.
The line chart demonstrates the transition of the percentage of
household
Use synonyms
 electrical equipment over a century.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticed that the use of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
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refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as the number of weekly
hours
Use synonyms
 for housework decreased. In 1920, very few people used
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 were adopted by 40% and 30%
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 respectively. But within 20 years
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 50%
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 started consuming
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
,
similarly
Linking Words
 utilisation of
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased to 50% and washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 to 60%. By 1960, 90% consumers
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
Linking Words
furthermore
Punctuation problem
; furthermore
show examples
, both washing and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 spiked to 70%. 100% house
holds
Use the right word
households
show examples
 adopted
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refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 since 1980, and
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 trend is noticed with
vacuum
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
cleaner
Punctuation problem
cleaner,
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 where every
household
Use synonyms
using
Verb problem
has been using
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 since 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a fluctuation of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 from 1960 to 2000 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70%. There was a mild increase and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 70% in 2019 The second line chart shows
each
Correct word choice
that each
show examples
household
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 house chores. It gradually decreased to 40
hours
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 and fell to 20
hours
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 by 1980. It remained constant till 2000 and reduced to 10
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2019.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household, machine, refrigerator, vacuum, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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