IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

T he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

T he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 between 15
years
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 old and over 65
years
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 old
Use synonyms
age groups
Check wording
apply
show examples
who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 consistent physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, both female and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65
years
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 old and over has nearly the same
percentage
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. Women
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 between 35 to 44
years
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 old
doing
Wrong verb form
who do
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 habitual
exercise
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a great difference and more than same
age
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Check wording
apply
show examples
men
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. The
most higher
Correct word choice
highest
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percentage
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 of
men
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 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 is
distribute
Wrong verb form
distributed
show examples
 in 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 is 45 to 54
years
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 old. In Australia,
men
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 in 65
years
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 old and above
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 about 46.7
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
who have
show examples
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing
exercise
Use synonyms
, with nearly
identical
Correct article usage
an identical
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 amount in 55 to 64
years
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 old
men
Use synonyms
. For
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, there is 47.1
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing
exercise
Use synonyms
, with 15 to
24
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
years
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 old women receiving
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount. The great difference
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percentage
Change preposition
in percentage
show examples
 between
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 is
those
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 35 to 44
years
Use synonyms
 old
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 habitual
exercise
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, at just over 52.5
Use synonyms
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 compared to 39.5
Use synonyms
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
most higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 is in 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old and for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 is 45 to 54
years
Use synonyms
 old
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 52.8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 53.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, years, age, exercise, men, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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