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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

T he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

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T he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australia male and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who did regular physical activity in 2010. The chart divided
men
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 and
women
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 into six different
age
Use synonyms
groups
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, ranging from 15 to 65 and over.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 among most of the
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 doing regular physical activity
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than the one showed in
men
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. In comparison, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the group :15 to
24
Punctuation problem
24,
show examples
 witnessed
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 in the graph,
which
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the male
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 higher than the female. Looking at the graph, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 between 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 showed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 gap between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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. Among these
groups
Use synonyms
, the
age
Use synonyms
between
Check wording
group between
show examples
 35
to
Correct word choice
and
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 44 witnessed the biggest gap with 13%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
aging
Replace the word
aged
 between the
groups
Use synonyms
: 35 to 44, 45 to 54
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 55 to 64 had accounted for more than 50% with 52.5%, 53.3% and 53%
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
men
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aging
Replace the word
aged
 15 to 24 gained 52.8% and is higher than
the
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
groups
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aging
Replace the word
aged
 between 65 and over, the
percentage
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 of
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 demonstrated similar.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women, age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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