IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The contemporary gastronomy industries advocate excessive usage of sugar in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 vast variety of refreshments that
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to numerous
health
Use synonyms
 issues for consumers. I strongly agree that these
products
Use synonyms
 should be taxed or priced higher than now to support individuals'
health
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 and governments' fair
costs
Use synonyms
.
High cost
Use the right word
High-cost
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 payment for buying sweet refreshments decreases their sales level and turns them into out-of-reach goods for most citizens
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 which supports public
health
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. Since nutrition has a fair budget in family expenditure, increased-price sugar-based
products
Use synonyms
 can not stay affordable for most people , and their popularity will decrease in the short
-
Punctuation problem
apply
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 term.
For instance
Linking Words
, Countries like Mexico and the UK introduced a sugar tax on sweetened drinks, which successfully reduced soda drinking by 7–10% in the first year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sugar-based
products
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 impose a hidden cost to
society
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 and the government. Sugar product process imposes environmental impact from industrial manufacturing, and its
consumption
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 at an uncontrolled level creates hidden
costs
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 for
society
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,
such
Linking Words
 as higher healthcare spending
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and loss of productivity
due to
Linking Words
 illness. As a fact, the World
Health
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 Organisation estimates that treating obesity and related diseases
costs
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 billions annually in public
health
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 budgets.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be solved by taxing and pricing sweet
products
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 more
expensive
Replace the word
expensively
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 to not only control
consumption
Use synonyms
 level in individuals but
also
Linking Words
 compensate their
consumption
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 side effects and hidden
costs
Use synonyms
 for
society
Use synonyms
 and the government. In conclusion, I assume uncontrolled sugar-based product
consumption
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 should be considered and controlled by taxing and pricing more expensively.
This
Linking Words
 approach assures supporting public
health
Use synonyms
 and
society
Use synonyms
's fair
costs
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan before you write. Make a small plan with the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and end with a short wrap-up sentence.
grammar
Use simple and clear grammar. Short sentences are best.
content
Give one clear example per point and show how it helps your claim.
vocabulary
Choose easy words and avoid long or hard words.
idea
You take a clear view and say what you think.
content
You give real places as examples.
structure
You close with a short end line.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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