IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should ban violent films and games in order to reduce crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era, there is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
 often watch
movies
Use synonyms
 and play games in their leisure time.
However
Linking Words
,
movies
Use synonyms
 which contain graphic violence may contribute to rising
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
in
Check wording
rates in
show examples
 society. To prevent it, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments should prohibit
these kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
this kind
show examples
 of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
This
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 essay will examine both arguments and give my opinion on
this
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 issue. Violent contents often provide an
explicit
Punctuation problem
explicit,
show examples
 abusive scene to the
audiences
Fix the agreement mistake
audience
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as murder and torture. It may influence young adults to act
aggressive
Replace the word
aggressively
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,
thus
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 can be dangerous for themselves or their friends. To illustrate, there have been reported cases where teenagers attempted harmful actions after being influenced by
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 type of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, which shows how media can negatively affect vulnerable audiences. The violent-themed
movies
Use synonyms
 can inspire methods to murder someone.
On the other hand
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,
movies
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 and games are used for entertainment purposes and not only portray
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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. All genres of
movies
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 and games have storylines and often provide a realistic depiction of a phenomenon.
Furthermore
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, many
people
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also
Linking Words
 learn a new language from
movies
Use synonyms
 in a fun way. They can enrich
vocabulary
Correct pronoun usage
their vocabulary
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according to
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 specific themes by watching
movies
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a film about serial killings that occurred in South Korea twenty years ago. Not only showing the blood-soaked scenes,
this
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 film
also
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 depicts the use of technology and how murder cases were investigated at that time. For language learners, they can expand law and crime vocabulary by watching it.
By
Change preposition
Through
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 these films,
people
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also
Linking Words
 gain knowledge from watching
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. From my perspective, I strongly disagree
if
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the government
prohibits
Wrong verb form
prohibiting
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banned
Verb problem
apply
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criminal films.
While
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 the drawbacks of criminal
movies
Use synonyms
 are valid, they
also
Linking Words
 have many benefits for
people
Use synonyms
. To address its drawbacks, the government can
possess
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 an age restriction policy for the
audiences
Fix the agreement mistake
audience
show examples
 and
urging
Wrong verb form
urge
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 parents to provide guidance when their children watch
movies
Use synonyms
 that contain these scenes.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first lines and keep it clear all through. Use one strong reason and back it up with one clear example.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and end with a simple link that ties back to your view.
grammar
Check grammar and use short, easy to read sentences. Use common word forms.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
content
You use real examples to help the point.
conclusion
Your final view is clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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