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Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart belows shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010

the chart belows shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010
The data illustrate the
amount
Use synonyms
 of budget spent on consumer products by two distinct countries(
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
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) in 2010. The cost is measured in pounds sterling. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective , both
France
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 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 75 %
amount
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 of the total money on cars, books and computers,
while
Linking Words
 cameras were the least one for
France
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, and perfume was the minimal for the
UK
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. There was a significant difference
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 expenditure on cameras between the two countries. Looking first of all at cars, British people spent about £450,000 in comparison to the French
at
Punctuation problem
, at
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 £400,000.
Linking Words
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
show examples
 for books, people in the
UK
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 spent about £400,000, which is significantly higher than
Use synonyms
France
Change preposition
in France
show examples
 ,
spending
Wrong verb form
where they spent
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£300,000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
UK
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, expenditure on cameras (just over £350,000) was approximately double the
amount
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 spent by
France
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 (nearly £150,000).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of money paid for the remaining goods was higher among residents of
France
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, over £375,000 was spent on computers , which is slightly more than the community of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
(nearly
Check wording
community (nearly
show examples
 £350,000).
Finally
Linking Words
 , in terms of fragrance, the people of
France
Use synonyms
 spent £200,000 ,which is relatively more than the
UK
Use synonyms
 (just below £150,000 ).

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, france, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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